Nachonomics: Year 14

That gooey tasty cheesy tang, those spicy jalapeno wagon wheels, roll into my stomach, bloody meat, run red with salsa, with tomato, white with onion, green with envy, avocado mashed, smashed, sour cream, topping those golden triangles, that crisp, that crunch, divine dinner, luscious lunch, I have a hunch, to munch, lips scrunch, maw opens, the final crunch, mastication, vacation, relation, gestation, revelation. Nachoation.

Hey folks, my nacho beat poetry career is really taking off, as you can obviously read above. I’ve got a vinyl pressing of my last show coming out soon, so be sure to sign up for the pre-order pre-launch page on PrePledge for first backer cred. Yeah, I’ve been channeling the raw poetic truth about nachos all over… I mean… I…

Oh god, what am I doing? I shouldn’t be writing nacho beat poetry, I should be eating nachos. Wow, I almost really blew that right? That would have been a real mistake. I don’t know what I’m going to do with these 10,000 “Hymns of Uncaged Nachos” records I ordered though. I will never financially recover from this. JKLOL

On this, the fourteenth anniversary of this fair site (just ignore a few of the bare patches occasionally) we should never be writing beat poetry about nachos, or anything else. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “No Rhymes = No Poetry, #LimerickLife”, and I have the non rhyming poetry protest banners to prove it. But I digress, we’re here for nachos.

And doesn’t that just sum up life? We’re all just here for the nachos, each and every one of us. Don’t take it from me, a fourteen year veteran of the nacho reporting beat, take it from your heart. Take it from your stomach. Take your nachos and eat them. Everyone else should be taking their nachos and eating them. We should all be eating our nachos.

Did I just come up with a new bumper sticker? Copyright copyright TM TM TM. Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone.

Nachonomics: Year 13

Triskaidekaphobia, or the fear of the number 13, has a history shrouded in mystery. Here at Nachonomics, we're not used to things being shrouded by much more than chips or cheese, but hear me out. Whether this superstition first dates back to medieval tarot, or the last supper, or even the Norse gods themselves is unknown, but the importance is that for some reason there's some bad luck mojo around that number between twelve and fourteen. But does that bad luck mojo extend to nachos?

No, because luck is a human construct used to ascribe a good or bad value to events randomly occurring, and nachos are, well, nachos.

Making it through thirteen years of the dog-eat-’chos world of the international nacho business could certainly be considered "good luck" by more superstitious individuals, but you don't need luck when it comes to nachos. Nachos transcend luck. Nachos exist outside of simple human constructs. Nachos are simply, complexly, for good or ill, nachos. We've been here for thirteen years documenting them, and we'll be here another thirteen at least, and it has nothing to do with luck. It's always just been nachos, and it always will be. Forever.

Nachonomics: Year 12

The internet tells me that the traditional twelfth anniversary gifts are silk and linen, and maybe something related to pearls and jade. That’s all well and good, but forget that nonsense, none of that stuff is going to be good on an order of nachos, and why even bother at that point. While you CAN eat all of the above, and even put them on nachos if you want, we know that pearls are really the only somewhat consumable gift, but even then only when drunk dissolved in vinegar Caligula style. Nobody is putting that on some chips. No sir or madam, I haven’t slaved away in the nacho mines for this long to be given a JOANN Fabrics worth of cloth when all I’ve ever wanted was just a handful of chips, a scattering of cheese, and a few choice slices of jalapenos.

Things with nachos this past year have been as international as they have been undocumented. Did I try the finest order of nachos in all of Halifax as recommended by a masseuse? Yes. Did I have nachos at what might be Reykjavik’s finest (and only) Mexican restaurant? Double yes. Did I have nachos at a restaurant in Athens where you could see the ancient ruins the location was built over through its glass floor? No, I had a gyro at that place, but did get nachos at a regular ol’ Athenian Mexican restaurant, as you do. They might not be the easiest food to find worldwide, but they are out there for ones who look.

After twelve years of hard work (well, maybe ten hard years and a few soft ones, but what can you do?) there still remain nachos uneaten, and more nachos unreviewed. Maybe a new documented version of one of these nacho eatings might even appear on the site soon? Stranger things have happened, but more delicious ones have happened as well… Have a majestic Cinco de Mayo one and all!

Happy 4th of July!

4th of Juleezy, 4th of Juleezy, how oh how can I make you more cheesy? Why, by making up the word "Juleezy" in order to rhyme with "Cheesy" for one. Another way would be to make up some PATRIOTIC NACHOS: A.K.A. PATRIOTIC BBQ GRILLING NACHOS USA USA, the recipe for which is available at the link previous, or featured along with 13 other delicious recipes in Recipes from the Nachonomicon. At this point if you're reading this and in desperate need for nacho goodness for your BBQ this afternoon you're going to have to go with the linked version because there's no way you can order the book and have it arrive to you on time, but if you found it so delicious in retrospect you felt like buying the book, you'd get no complaints from me! And remember, don't go blowing your hand off with some fireworks, because it's a lot harder to eat nachos with a hook.