Review: Smokin' Bowls

August 5, 2019 Nachonomics

Do you have one of those places in your life, some location, that you’ve passed by a million times in the course of your days and always thought, “Man, I should really check that out.”, but you never do? Years go by and it remains a mystery as you continue to think that one day you’ll stop by. You grow old. Your flesh sags. Your bones wither. Your organs fail. The face that looks back at you from the mirror is a stranger. As you’re lying in your death bed, the only things keeping you on this mortal place being the machines with tubes running into your body making it work, the fog of your addled brain clears just long enough for you to think, “Man, I should have really checked that place out...”, and then you die. Your family buries you in the ground and leaving the cemetery they pass that place and think, “You know, I should really check that place out.” The cycle continues.

Door Knobchos

July 25, 2019 Nachonomics

What’s the worst thing you ever had on an order of nachos? Mushrooms? Carrots? Broccoli? Maybe all three of those at once like me, which caused a severe moral and spiritual crisis where I wondered if nachos were really my calling… Of course they are, but it made me realize that there can be some weird stuff on nachos, and not all of it good. Stuff, for example, like door knobs.

Heroes of Nachos: Scholz Nacho Revolution Militia

July 15, 2019 Nachonomics

Let’s say that every Tuesday for the past 50 years you had visited the same restaurant and gotten an order of nachos. One order of nachos a week, 52 weeks a year, 50 years, that’s 2600 orders of nachos. Pretty impressive when it’s put like that. But what would happen if the restaurant decided to change their menu, and that change involved removing nachos from it entirely? Would you switch to ordering something else? Would you start going to a different restaurant that sold nachos? Or would you, like this certain group of Austinites, band together into the Nacho Liberation Forces and try to get them returned to the menu? You can guess what a group worthy of the “Heroes of Nachos” title would choose.

Happy 4th!

July 4, 2019 Nachonomics

4th of Juleezy, 4th of Juleezy, how oh how can I make you more cheesy? Why, by making up the word "Juleezy" in order to rhyme with "Cheesy" for one. Another way would be to make up some PATRIOTIC NACHOS: A.K.A. PATRIOTIC BBQ GRILLING NACHOS USA USA, the recipe for which is available at the link previous, or featured along with 13 other delicious recipes in Recipes from the Nachonomicon. At this point if you're reading this and in desperate need for nacho goodness for your BBQ this afternoon you're going to have to go with the linked version because there's no way you can order the book and have it arrive to you on time, but if you found it so delicious in retrospect you felt like buying the book, you'd get no complaints from me! And remember, don't go blowing your hand off with some fireworks, because it's a lot harder to eat nachos with a hook.

Heroes of Nachos: Trini Martinez

June 25, 2019 Nachonomics

What did you do for your twenty third birthday? I don't know for sure, but I'd bet probably something pretty stupid. I guarantee it wasn't filling a child's swimming pool with 25 bags of chip, 20 pounds of beans, 6 gallons of queso and 30 pounds of pico de gallo to create a pool of nachos. That is unless your name is Trini Martinez, and the particular one that made a pool of nachos as well.

Birthday idea 1: Keg. Lame. Birthday idea 2: Fill a kiddie pool with queso. Better, but like a 7, and we can make it a 9. Birthday idea 3: Fill a kiddie pool with nachos. And there's the money. "I was thinking 'aww, man, I should've just bought the keg,'" Martinez said. "But, everyone ate it, it was gone — gone by the end of the night [...] they were so stoked, they loved it." The words of a hero.

Some said they were "too soggy", or "unsanitary". Others on Youtube said they were "a germ and bacteria melting pot", or "bacteria nachos", or "While watch this is gross people pee and sneeze in the pool". Do you think Trini cared what they said? No, and that's why he is a nacho hero.