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Octchober: Frankenachos

October 5, 2014 Dex Gormenghast
Frankenacho

In this most feared and spookglorious month of the nacho year, Octchober, there are many terrifying harbingers of the foulest of nacho creations. In the farthest reaches of the Pacific Ocean lies a mysterious island where a brilliant Doctor Naceau slaves away crafting hybrids of beast and nachos. In a castle in Germany, Doctor Frankenacho is combining pieces of dead nachos together to spit in the eye of God and birth something wholly unnatural. In Arkham, Herbert West is probably injecting some serum into old nachos to make them fresh and crispy again. I couldn’t think of any puns for that one. Anyhow, it is from the infamous Deutsch Doktor that I took today’s inspiration.

The above picture is of a nacho creation so unholy that even the Devil would not eat it. After a fine meal a Moe’s Southwest Grill the missis and I had a few of our orders of nachos left over and sought some boxes to convey them home for a later meal. However, with only one to-go box at our disposal, our two orders needed to be combined into a single melange to come home, a melange that would make an Arrakian jealous. While Frankenacho needed lightning to make his creation come to life, all we needed was some queso to form the two separate orders into one. Does that make me a better doctor than a graduate from The University of Ingolstadt? Would it be delicious? Would it be a disaster? Only time and eating them later would tell.

As the late Herbert West could have told you, sometimes when you’re creating abominations they come out good, and sometimes they’re cannibalistic monsters who team up with the rest of the creatures you created and come back to slaughter you. Fortunately this combination of two nachos turned out alright, but as with anytime you’re playing God you won’t always end up with a winner. Rolling the dice or playing Russian Roulette is part of the fun of it, and what better month than this to put a scare into your tastebuds with an order of mystery nachos?


In 2014 Tags Octchober
← Octchober: ChipbominationReview: Mexicali Fresh Mex Grill →

Nachonomics: ('na-cho-'na-miks)

noun. The branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and distribution of nachos.

Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge
Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge
$20.00

A copy of "The Field Guide to Nachos", "Nachos & You", and "Recipes from the Nachonomicon". This is literally and literately all the nacho knowledge you will ever require.

The Field Guide to Nachos, a pocket sized reference to the history, types, and background of the greatest of Mexican delicacies.

  • READ... The true story of how Ignacio Anaya created "The Nacho" in 1943.

  • LEARN... How nachos moved from Mexico and spread across America like shredded cheese melting across a pile of chips.

  • KNOW... the real difference between natural cheese versus pasteurized processed cheese product. It's terrifying.

  • DIFFERENTIATE... between kinds of popular nachos that are to be found in our modern restaurants.

Nachos & You, a pocket sized manual on, well, living your life the nacho way.

  • READ... The "true" story of how Gentleman Frank Liberto (Not to be confused with the upstanding Frank Liberto of Rico's or the Frank Liberto of Martin Luther King Jr. assassination infamy) created "The Nacho" in 1976. I say "true" because it is an obvious satire and parody.

  • LEARN... To pickle your own jalapenos for varying degrees of “fun” and “profit”, but more importantly bragging rights on being more artisinal than your friends.

  • KNOW... The science of creating nachos with circular chips as opposed to triangular chips and when to use each so as to not cause embarrassing cultural faux pas.

  • EXPERIENCE... The terror of “Nacho Fingers”, and the joy of curing yourself of them to avoid being ostracized by the community at large.

Recipes from the Nachonomicon, a pocket sized cookbook of all the finest types of nachos from throughout the ages, all now easily available at your fingertips.

  • READ... The History of the Nachonomicon and how it became the blueprint for all the nachos you know and love today!

  • LEARN... How to cook the finest examples of each member of the nacho family from "Artisanal" to "Single Serving." (There's no general type of nacho that begins with "Z" so that's as good as it gets alphabet wise, and I wouldn't want to trick you into thinking there was a type of called "ZBBQ Nachos" or something.)

  • KNOW... The joy that comes of making you, or a loved one, a delicious meal of nachos that will both satiate your hunger and allow you to know the true satisfaction of being able to provide the sustenance to keep a human being alive.

  • TASTE... Nachos, and lots of them, once you make them of course.

With these three books, you can feel secure in the knowledge that you'll be able to give a T.E.D. talk on every single aspect of nachos. Probably closer to three T.E.D. talks as a matter of fact! Do they even let you do that? I don't know, but with nacho knowledge like yours you will undoubtedly be the first!

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