Let me tell you about all the available nacho costumes for this Halloween as we quickly approach the holiday and the end of Octchober. Or rather I would if there were any to talk about, which there aren’t. I suppose the next best thing that I can do is show you all the ones that come close and bemoan the lack of true nacho costumes out there. Get on it Yandy!
The Chip Child
Legends have foretold the coming of a child made of the finest nixtamalized corn tortilla, destined to stride heads and shoulders above the rest of the neighborhood children while on a search for candy. Well folks, here the prophecy is, a costume as drab to wear as it is to look at. Would it have been too much to ask for them to just put some fake looking cheese on top, and maybe a big fake jalapeno slice? Yes, apparently so.
Chip Children Grown Up
But what happens when two Chip Children meet and fall in love? They each get to be parts of a delightful couples costume is what! Again though, how hard would it be for them to nacho these chips up a tiny little bit? I do appreciate the addition of the bright orange skin, but bright orange skin alone does not make you a nacho.
Nacho Dog, which may also be a bird? I don’t know…
At first I thought this dog was supposed to be a pile of chips covered in shredded cheese, but now I think it’s maybe a bird or something? The costume I mean, I can tell that the animal the costume in on is a dog. Anyhow, swap out those feathers with cut up orange pool noodle slices that look like shredded cheese and you have quite the nacho dog, sans bun. Forget “Man’s Best Friend”, more like “Man’s Most Delicious Friend”.
I realize how much better a joke the costume name would be if it was based on renowned and beloved the world over Swedish literature character, known in this case as Chippy Longstockings, but alas, it’s just lame Katy Perry. I mean I could see Lady Gaga wearing a nacho outfit no problem, but KP? To make things even worse, this is all photoshop BS and not even a real costume! That being said, if it was a real costume it would be the most nacho like of all the ones I’ve seen in the wild, so I’m still going to have to give it an A. Not an A+ though, it can still work harder at existing.
Nacho Man Randy Savage
Of all the costumes in this list this is undoubtedly the best. Not only does it pay honor to one of America’s greatest heroes, but it’s the only actual physical costume to display some genuine nachotude. Plus it’s a pun, so if you have Witzelsucht you are going to be one happy camper! If you are going to make a nacho costume, going with the orange poncho looking piece as your cheese layer and then covering it with things that look like chips and other toppings is the way to go. Or think up something even better and more original!
Nacho Safe For Work
And then there’s this, the nadir of the nacho outfits. Mostly because these are clearly just a bowl of cheese with chips stuck in them, and as we all know, chips and dip are not nachos. You can obviously tell this is from Second Life, because where can I be expected to find jalapeno slices that big in real life! No, no, this is the nacho equivalent of wearing a barrel with suspenders and is truly bad bad all around. I’m sure this is somebody’s fetish, but if it’s not that of the number one nacho site out there, I don’t know whose it might be, nor would I want to.
Yeah… none of these are great representation of an order of nachos in costume form. At best you get clever, and at worse you get some kind of digital cheese crotch nightmare. At least some company hasn’t made some iteration of “Sexy Nacho” or “Slutty Nacho”, so blessings of a kind, but one of these years Yandy is going to get on that for sure. If they can make a sexy Handmaid’s Tale outfit, a Naughty Nacho costume isn’t above them. And when that horrible abomination exists, I’ll be first in line to pick it up.