Don't Dream of 3 Pound Blocks of Vegan Nacho Cheese

What if I told you that “THAT 3-POUND BLOCK OF VEGAN NACHO CHEESE YOU’VE BEEN DREAMING OF IS REAL”? Firstly, I’d be very concerned that you were dreaming about cheese, and not even real cheese, and secondly I’d tell you not to get your hopes up. I thought investigating a giant block of fake cheese would be some LOLs, but instead it was some LOLs, though in the latter case the first “L” stood for LIES.

When the picture for your webpage shows a giant block of cheese and opens with the line, “In case you didn’t know, you can now buy three-pound blocks of vegan nacho cheese.” with a link, you can guess how this will work out. Click link, go to website selling cheese, everybody laughs. That’s what I expected, so it was to my great disappointment when the link instead brought me to not one 48 oz block of fake cheese, but rather three 4.72 oz packets of fake cheese. You don’t need to be a mathematician to calculate the bullshit there.

Now this may just be a case of them accidentally linking the wrong cheese product to the page and not the one shown in the picture, but when looking through all the Daiya “cheese” products on Amazon there is nary a 3lb block to be found. To be diligent, I then checked the other links to see if maybe one of those could instead bring me to this fabled block of cheese. You won’t believe what I found next. Until you read down to the next sentence and discover it’s not that shocking.

Apparently the Violife company is also selling a giant block of cheese, but it seems a little familiar… Via the power of the MS Paint tool an even more terrifying revelation is revealed!

Not only are they selling a similar block of cheese, but for a special effect glow and photoshopped logo, they are selling THE EXACT SAME BLOCK OF CHEESE!!! Readers, the internet if full of hoodwinks and humbugs, but this is truly one of the most egregious. If not for the fact that Snopes probably doesn’t care about cheese related malarkey I would be shouting this to the rafters. But they don’t care, and the world is a harsh place for those of us who care about real fake cheese with all the fake fake cheese in it. The only moral that we can possibly take away from this is to only ever eat real cheese, so vegans, I am very sorry for your loss. Maybe somewhere out there is a real 3 pound block of fake cheese, but it is certainly not here.