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Nacho Science - Hip Hop Cheese

April 5, 2019 Nachonomics

You remember back when everyone was talking to plants and playing them music to see if they’re happier than plants that were just left alone? I don’t really other than those aforementioned facts, and also don’t know what the results were, but fortunately you don’t come here for plant news. What you might come here for though is the new study that has been conducted to see if cheese could be made to taste better by playing it music while it matures. CLICKBAIT: THE RESULTS MAY SHOCK YOU! ALSO, YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT THIS 90’S CHILD STAR LOOKS LIKE NOW!

A Swiss study at the Bern University of Arts wanted to see if playing music directly into maturing cheese would have any effect on its taste. Witchcraft it is not, as the sound waves in theory could bio-acoustically change the very bacteria constructing it for the better, or worse. Eight wheels of cheese, all made from the same vat of milk for standardization, were hooked to mini-transmitters. Eight wheels of cheese were exposed 24 hours a day for the six and a half months it took to be birthed to non-stop music. Eight wheels of cheese remained otherwise undisturbed save for this. From classical to techno to just a bunch of varying frequency sound waves, which some hipster will assure you is music, these cheeses got rocked to their very goopy-yet-slowly-solidifying cores. Once the maturation was done and the cheeses professionally taste tested, one of them did in fact change for the better. But which was it?

A Tribe Called Quest's official music video for 'Jazz (We've Got) Buggin' Out'. Click to listen to A Tribe Called Quest on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/TCQSpot?IQid=TCQBO As featured on The Anthology.

No, it wasn’t UV by Vril. Nor was it Mozart’s The Magic Flute. Nor even Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven. It was, if the video above didn’t give it away as intended, A Tribe Called Quest’s We Got (The Jazz). Yes, apparently hip hop, and to a lesser degree the medium frequency sounds, are the secret to making a cheese that has “a discernibly stronger smell and stronger, fruitier taste." This may not be what you’re looking for in your cheese, but it seems like smellier and fruitier are your options until further studies are completed.

And further studies there must indeed be, as the results are currently “conceivable, but not compelling.” With just one test under the belt, this is imaginable, so hopefully more will be forthcoming posthaste. Also, this experiment was conducted solely on Emmental cheese, which let me tell you is not the most nacho compatible type of cheese, or even in the top 10. If they can perfect this process on some nice Wisconsin Sharp Cheddar, then we’ll be in business, otherwise I’m fine with just a subscription to their magazine. Then if they can combine that with some chips made from corn that has been sung to, and some jalapenos that were whispered lullabies, then you’ll have yourself a truly great base for some nachos.

In 2019 Tags Nacho Science
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Nachonomics: ('na-cho-'na-miks)

noun. The branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and distribution of nachos.

Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge
Book: Complete Nacho Knowledge
$20.00

A copy of "The Field Guide to Nachos", "Nachos & You", and "Recipes from the Nachonomicon". This is literally and literately all the nacho knowledge you will ever require.

The Field Guide to Nachos, a pocket sized reference to the history, types, and background of the greatest of Mexican delicacies.

  • READ... The true story of how Ignacio Anaya created "The Nacho" in 1943.

  • LEARN... How nachos moved from Mexico and spread across America like shredded cheese melting across a pile of chips.

  • KNOW... the real difference between natural cheese versus pasteurized processed cheese product. It's terrifying.

  • DIFFERENTIATE... between kinds of popular nachos that are to be found in our modern restaurants.

Nachos & You, a pocket sized manual on, well, living your life the nacho way.

  • READ... The "true" story of how Gentleman Frank Liberto (Not to be confused with the upstanding Frank Liberto of Rico's or the Frank Liberto of Martin Luther King Jr. assassination infamy) created "The Nacho" in 1976. I say "true" because it is an obvious satire and parody.

  • LEARN... To pickle your own jalapenos for varying degrees of “fun” and “profit”, but more importantly bragging rights on being more artisinal than your friends.

  • KNOW... The science of creating nachos with circular chips as opposed to triangular chips and when to use each so as to not cause embarrassing cultural faux pas.

  • EXPERIENCE... The terror of “Nacho Fingers”, and the joy of curing yourself of them to avoid being ostracized by the community at large.

Recipes from the Nachonomicon, a pocket sized cookbook of all the finest types of nachos from throughout the ages, all now easily available at your fingertips.

  • READ... The History of the Nachonomicon and how it became the blueprint for all the nachos you know and love today!

  • LEARN... How to cook the finest examples of each member of the nacho family from "Artisanal" to "Single Serving." (There's no general type of nacho that begins with "Z" so that's as good as it gets alphabet wise, and I wouldn't want to trick you into thinking there was a type of called "ZBBQ Nachos" or something.)

  • KNOW... The joy that comes of making you, or a loved one, a delicious meal of nachos that will both satiate your hunger and allow you to know the true satisfaction of being able to provide the sustenance to keep a human being alive.

  • TASTE... Nachos, and lots of them, once you make them of course.

With these three books, you can feel secure in the knowledge that you'll be able to give a T.E.D. talk on every single aspect of nachos. Probably closer to three T.E.D. talks as a matter of fact! Do they even let you do that? I don't know, but with nacho knowledge like yours you will undoubtedly be the first!

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