A few weeks ago we examined the relative spiciness of the new “Flamin’ Hot Nacho Doritos” and how they were, while not “spicy” spicy, definitely more spicy than anything else you would find in a grocery store. Apparently the grocery store heard me and said, “hold my beer” as I now have to reexamine that statement while a new contender enters the ring. Enter an even spicier chip, one laced with the spookiest pepper on earth, the ghost pepper. Actually these chips are even spookier because not only are they ghost pepper chips, they are Haunted Ghost Pepper Chips.
These chips are made by Paqui (rhymes with hockey) which as we mentioned in the previous review is the company that gained notoriety for making a single serving Carolina Reaper chip that was so spicy it was sold in a miniature coffin. I say “was sold”, but I probably mean “had to be sold in a miniature coffin for legal reasons to let you know how deadly it was. For those of us who do not want to suffer “le petite morte” that comes from eating a tiny coffined death chip there is a somewhat less spicy chip option in the Haunted Ghost Pepper. Ghost peppers are only about 60% as hot as the Reaper, which in turn is only about 25% as hot as police grade pepper spray. I guess that makes Ghost Peppers like… 15% as spicy as Mace? Don’t quote me on that, I do nachos here, not math.
The fact that Paqui makes what is probably the world’s spiciest chip gave me hope that this would not be a chip that played around, and ho boy was I right. Unlike the Flamin’ Hot Nacho Doritos where you need to eat a handful or so before you feel anything, just one of these will let your mouth know right away that they’ve got spice, and that it is nnnniiiiiccccceeeee. Unlike most chips where you look at the bag and see the suggested serving is ten chips and wonder who the person is that only eats ten chips at a time, that person can now be you as if you eat more than two or three of these at once your mouth will be burning hellscape of pain. Typically being a bag-a-day man I was honestly surprised that I had to stop because they were simply too spicy to have any more at that moment. It’s the day I never thought would happened, the day when I witnessed the grim spectre of spice death look me right in the eye, and I blinked. I’ll never be the same again knowing I have this inherent weakness of body and spirit.
Would I recommend these to a regular, non-spice loving person? I don’t think that I could. When I think about giving one of these, which the bag itself warns could result in addiction to burning pain, to my dear sainted grandmother, well it would just kill her. Their greatest strength is also their greatest weakness as these are going to be borderline inedible if you’re not a real capsaicin junkie. Steer clear of these Normies, unless you’re going to mix them into a bowl of regular chips at a party for a little Mexican roulette. If that’s the case, or you’re a real spice head, go crazy, but keep them away from your grandmother if you’re not after that sweet inheritance.