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Essay: Waffle Chips and Ice Cream are not Nachos

September 7, 2012 Nachonomics
Photo via FOODBEAST, a creature that I would hunt wearing a Victorian era pith helmet.

Photo via FOODBEAST, a creature that I would hunt wearing a Victorian era pith helmet.

They’re not flat out calling them “Ice Cream Nachos”, which is good because they are not that in the least. I’ve seen ice cream nachos, and they are delicious, but constructed in a nacho fashion. For chips you’ve got waffle cone chips, cookies, or sopapillas. For cheese there’s chocolate syrup or a heavy cream. For all the rest of the toppings there is ice cream and all the rest of the ice cream family of toppings. THAT is a delicious order of ice cream nachos.

THIS is a pile of ice cream and some chips on the side. If you order a pile of chips with nacho toppings on the side, that’s not nachos, that’s chips and nacho dip. If their slogan was “Think Chips and Dip - Only ‘Cooler’,” then I’d have no problem, but they’re cashing in on the common misconception that anything involving something that could be described as a chip with something that could go on top of it is nachos. For trickery like that that I say, and I quote, “For shame Baskin-Robbins, for shame.”

BTW, for something you’re sure as hell never going to see on a regular order of nachos, here’s the ingredient list for Waffle Chip Dippers. Chips, cheese, jalapenos, those are all the ingredients you need, not this nonsense:

Vanilla Soft Serve: Nonfat Milk, Sugar, Cream, Whey Powder, Stabilizer/Emulsifier Blend (Mono and Diglycerides, Cellulose Gel, Cellulose Gum, Locust Bean Gum, Carrageenan), Vanilla Extract, Vitamin A Palmitate; Brownie Chips: Sugar, Eggs, Soybean Oil, Wheat Flour, Invert Sugar, Cocoa processed with alkali, Water, Contains less than 2%: Natural and Artificial Flavor, Salt, Leavening (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Nonfat Milk, Corn Starch; Waffle Chips: Mix [Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Enriched with Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Sugar, Vegetable Shortening (Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and Cottonseed Oils), Dextrose, Whole Egg, Artificial Flavor (Including Maltodextrin, Modified Food Starch, Butter, Buttermilk), Soy Lecithin], Cinnamon; Snickers® Bar Pieces*: Milk Chocolate (Sugar, Cocoa Butter, Chocolate, Lactose, Skim Milk, Milk Fat, Soy Lecithin, Artificial Flavor), Peanuts, Corn Syrup, Sugar, Skim Milk, Butter, Milkfat, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Lactose, Salt, Egg Whites, Artificial Flavor; M&M's® Candies**: Milk Chocolate (Sugar, Chocolate, Skim Milk, Cocoa Butter, Lactose, Milk Fat, Soy Lecithin, Salt, Artificial Flavors), Sugar, Cornstarch, Less Than 1% of the following: Corn Syrup, Dextrin, Coloring (Includes Blue 1 Lake, Red 40 Lake, Yellow 6, Yellow 5, Red 40, Blue 1, Blue 2 Lake, Yellow 6 Lake, Yellow 5 Lake, Blue 2), Gum Acacia; Chocolate Syrup: Corn Syrup, Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar, Cocoa processed with alkali, Less than 2% of: Caramel Color, Potassium Sorbate (Preservative), Natural and Artificial Flavor, Xanthan Gum, Carrageenan. *Snickers® Bar may contain almonds. **M&M's® Candies may contain peanuts.

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Nachonomics: ('na-cho-'na-miks)

noun. The branch of knowledge concerned with the production, consumption, and distribution of nachos.

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