Think about your thumbs. Now think about how they’d look if they were giant spikes and you were a dinosaur. If both those things were true you’d be an Iguanodon, and extinct for about 125 million years. Fact: The Iguanodon was the second type of dinosaur formally named back in 1825 by english geologist Gideon Mantell. Fact: It was one of the dinosaurs that was the basis for Godzilla. Not a Fact: Iguanodons are related to today’s iguanas. Fact: The Winking Lizard Tavern location I visited in Ohio had a live iguana on display in the restaurant.
Opening
its original building in 1983, Winking Lizard Inc. now boasts fourteen
locations in Ohio. I’ve only been to one, but I’m going out on a limb
and saying that the others are probably the same, and by “the same” I
mean having the same crazy big selection of beers and mad crazy
selection of chicken wings yo. The nacho selection is unfortunately
limited (Only one type compared to fifteen types of wings) but one is
all you need.
“Mound” is a word that can be used to describe most nachos, but it is far from fitting here. While having a comparable number of chips to your average dish, instead of tapping a mountain for the red mana, Winking Lizard Tavern taps the plains for an almost single layer of chips covering a pizza pan sized plate. The greater surface area of the chips allows for a larger amount of toppings over a greater number of chips than your typical nachos resulting in more topping per chip deliciousness. There are two anomalies with the “Loaded Lizard Nachos” however: the chips are circular and mozzarella cheese is an ingredient.
Circular Chips you say! What kind of madness is this? I‘ve eaten many a nacho over the years, but I can’t think of many with circular chips. So what, if any, are the benefits of a circular chip over a triangular chip? The size of a human mouth for one is much more accommodating of the width of a round trip than its triangular brethren. Also there are fewer pointy edges on a circle than a triangle. How many times have you shoved a jagged triangular chip into your mouth only to be stabbed in the cheeks? The razor edges cutting into your tender mouth flesh, opening a wound that’s soon to be filled with stinging salt of chips and the stabbing juices of jalapenos? That’ll never happen with a circular chip.
Mozzarella Cheese you say! What kind of madness is this? With the exception of Sergio Leone films, crossing Mexican and Italian in my experience has only resulted in horrible things. I once had an experience with nachos made with a topping of tomato sauce rather than salsa or pico de gallo and it has only stood to reinforced this. Fortunately the healing power of cheese is such that it can transcend both nations and food norms as the mozzarella addition was ridiculously good on these. Plus it creates a winsomely stretchy cheese umbilical from the main nacho mass to the chip entering your mouth. Is anything sexier than that?
As the mighty Iguanodon of yore would have, I too give these nachos two thumbs up. Well, I don’t think it’s possible for an Iguanodon to not give something two thumbs up due to the structure of the bones in its hands, but you know what I mean. Also it was a herbivore, so it wouldn’t have cared for the chicken. Plus dairy was probably not something a reptile stomach could even process. And at an average of 3.5 tons, a pound of nachos wouldn’t have really done anything for it anyhow. It’s sure a good thing you’re a human and not an Iguanodon.
For an Iguanodon, every nacho review is a very positive one. Also they are in a class action lawsuit with Roger Ebert regarding his movie rating system.